We are still doing really well...I was remembering last year forcing ourselves to put up a tree and do the shopping, this year we have a beautiful tree, put up several weeks ago, the whole house is decorated and we are really happy...mostly--there are still moments--like hanging Sophie's baby's 1st Christmas 2005 ornament on the tree...of course she wasn't born until January 2006, but my plan was to have her here by Christmas!!! It is so much better though and despite little moments of pain I am really enjoying this holiday season (as my credit card bills will surely show in January!)
If there is one gift I could give this year it would be to let other parents out there who are suffering through their first holiday without their precious children know that it does get better. It takes work, it is still painful, but you will enjoy your life again. The biggest challegne to getting there for me has been accepting that I don't have to feel guilty about feeling happy. Moving on does not mean forgetting, Sophie will always be a part of our life, not just for Mike, me and the girls, but for everyone who knew her, or supported us. You never know when you might just be having the best day cruising on the highway singing Feliz Navidad at the top of your lungs and the next thing you know you think of your child and you burst into tears...but these moments occur less often now and we take time every single day to realize the amazing life we have. People wonder if I have a hard time around babies, I don't--I love them. I held my friend Mary's baby for a long time Saturday night (5 weeks) and she was so warm and soft and sweet, but it didn't make me pine for Sophie, it made me so happy for Mary and Mike that they have his amazing little being to hold, to watch grow, to keep them up all night!!!! No, my pining for Sophie is truly centered around me, our house, our memories......
Thanks again for loving us......
Snow Globe
10 years ago
2 comments:
I have just found your blog by Googling "losing a child to asplenia." My 11 year old daughter died on Dec. 26, 2008 and was diagnosed post mortem as having an abnormally small spleen. It appears to be isolated rather than in conjunction with other abnormalities, as she appeared to be a strong, healthy child except for recurrent bouts with strep throat over the years. Obviously, I am consumed with questions and the search for information. I will continue to read your blog as part of the healing process. Thank you.
This is ewc...I wasn't able to log in and post...I'm also interested in your quest for a newborn screening and would like to communicate with you if possible. Many of your comments from your 2007 blogs resonate with what I am experiencing. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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