And the Merry Bells Keep Ringing (Mostly)

We are still doing really well...I was remembering last year forcing ourselves to put up a tree and do the shopping, this year we have a beautiful tree, put up several weeks ago, the whole house is decorated and we are really happy...mostly--there are still moments--like hanging Sophie's baby's 1st Christmas 2005 ornament on the tree...of course she wasn't born until January 2006, but my plan was to have her here by Christmas!!! It is so much better though and despite little moments of pain I am really enjoying this holiday season (as my credit card bills will surely show in January!)
If there is one gift I could give this year it would be to let other parents out there who are suffering through their first holiday without their precious children know that it does get better. It takes work, it is still painful, but you will enjoy your life again. The biggest challegne to getting there for me has been accepting that I don't have to feel guilty about feeling happy. Moving on does not mean forgetting, Sophie will always be a part of our life, not just for Mike, me and the girls, but for everyone who knew her, or supported us. You never know when you might just be having the best day cruising on the highway singing Feliz Navidad at the top of your lungs and the next thing you know you think of your child and you burst into tears...but these moments occur less often now and we take time every single day to realize the amazing life we have. People wonder if I have a hard time around babies, I don't--I love them. I held my friend Mary's baby for a long time Saturday night (5 weeks) and she was so warm and soft and sweet, but it didn't make me pine for Sophie, it made me so happy for Mary and Mike that they have his amazing little being to hold, to watch grow, to keep them up all night!!!! No, my pining for Sophie is truly centered around me, our house, our memories......
Thanks again for loving us......